Brand New Madness

OK I'm sorry for that horrible attempt to link the main issue of the post into my feelings about it. Brand New Day? Get it? Anyway..

I realised today that next month I will have been collecting spidey comics for 10 years. By that I mean real comics that are in the larger continuity. 'Cos I had been collecfting comics based on the TAS (sigh- I miss those days) since I was 4. I havent always followed spidey- there have been times where I've been swayed by Star Wars and later Harry Potter. For very long periods of time as well. I didnt even consider drawing Spiderman COMICS until I was at least 13. Heck I didnt even take drawing seriously until the last 2 or 3 years. Since then I have always said I was going to be a comic artist when I grew up but I never beleived it, not until about 8 or 9 months ago when me and Liam made Spider-man: New Genisis. I have now dedicated myself to becomming a sucsessful comic artist, its how i define myself.

Now I explained that I'll try to put my problem into words, and I can't promise that it will be entirely coherant. So after OMD I have decided to stop reading Spidey (until they retcon it back but im dubious as to whether that will happen properly) which means I'm giving up on my childhood character- sure I've branched out into a lot of other characters but my love is with spidey and always will be. Hes my real link to comics and now hes gone. That and my Dads endless nagging to send off a sample to marvel before it's too late, when I'm not sure how I feel about them. As an artist its my dream to work for Marvel but as a fan I currently regard JQ as evil. Its making my decision about whether or not to go to university a lot harder.

I thought I had made this decision already. The only course I could have got a little excited about is in Swindon, which is about 200 miles away. So I would have to live on my own with complete strangers in a place I have no idea about. Normal people would be scared by this but me in my ball of autistic paranoia is terrified by this. When most people consider university its for the lifesytle- drinking and partying and general socialising. This used to excite me a few years ago when I was part of that whole scene but now I'm happyist when I'm alone (but thats not saying much). So basically I figured it wasnt worth building up huge debts for myself when my ideal job isnt gonna pay huge. Wow, the grammer in that sentence appalled even me.

Besides I already do everything that theyr gonna tell me to do, I can show u lierally hundreds of drawings that were done as studies of artists style. What I want to improve is my actual drawing. So maybe this one course that I set myself up on isn't the only course available to me, maybe a course that is only drawing. Pure drawing not a subsiduary of it like fine art or graphics. I could propably find a course like that locally. Even then do I really need it? I know what I want to do and thats draw comics- but can I do it yet? I don't think I'm good enough.

Then again maybe I don't want to draw comics- but what else is available? Video game design? Advertising? Illustrations? I think I could be happy in any of those feilds but for that I would almost certainly need a degree. So am I being niave by pinning everything on trying to break into the comics feild right away instead of trying to find some sort of qualifcation?

See Quesada- you've made me question everything!

more later...