February 22
3:10am
i cba to work actually
im going to bed
3:11am
ah really
ah ok :/
3:11am
good luck with the work
do u want a wake up call?
3:12am
yeah dont let me sleep past 12
3:12am
kk
nite
3:12am
ahhh
sad face
nitenite
3:13am
lol y sadface?
(bettter not be the spot)
3:14am
no
just i wont have anyone to tlak to now
3:14am
im not good conversation when im drawing anyway
or when im tired
3:14am
so
3:14am
im doing both badly lol
3:14am
its dull on my won
own
GAHAHAHAHAHA
i dont wnat to goto be
3:15am
what u doing now?
3:16am
was thinking of going to make tea
and do work
but need help
3:16am
u were thinking of doing some work? lol
3:17am
yeah i was bout to get up and pick up a book :O
3:17am
do it then#
but yea- im off to bed
tired
3:17am
ah ok
3:18am
once u realise ur tired it really hits you
cya 2moro
dont stay up to late
3:18am
ahhh ok
3:18am
night
3:19am
ahhh night
12:36pm
you doing your work
12:36pm
ummm
are you?
12:37pm
yeah am about to but it si so much effort...!!!
12:37pm
yea
thats y its called work
12:37pm
lol yeah i know
well i suppose i better hop to it
12:38pm
yup im off to town in a min
12:38pm
ah ok
12:38pm
only b an hour or 2
12:38pm
are you doing work when you get back
12:38pm
thern il come back and work together?>
12:38pm
yeah sure
but i wanna do it in my room as i need laptop
(too much effort to try and move it
12:39pm
to much effort to pick up a laptop?
but ok
12:39pm
yeah it dies in 1 minute without being plugged in
12:39pm
ah
that is anoying
12:39pm
yeah
i know :/
well right i will do work i want to do 1000 words today hopefully
12:40pm
alright
thats doable
u strated reading?
12:40pm
i hope so
i think i might write bits of each paragraph then add to them with my reading
12:41pm
ok so if ur doing it that way..
150 words done by the time i get back?
12:42pm
mhmm yeah ok i can have a go at that let me tell you how much i have now so i dont cheat
12:42pm
kk
12:42pm
167
12:42pm
alright so 317 by the time i get back
ok im off now
have fun :D
12:43pm
ok byebye
2:09pm
you back yet
2:40pm
u typing?
2:42pm
no
February 23
2:25am
go to bed?
2:25am
umm not yet lol
2:25am
sigh
alright well i am going to
night night
xx
2:26am
kk cya
8:21pm
hiya
February 24
Lisa Marie is offline.11:43pm
11:49pm
hi
Lisa Marie is online.11:49pm
11:49pm
hey
whats up?
11:49pm
nm just listening to music
11:50pm
right
cos u sounded kinda upset?
11:50pm
im fine
11:50pm
sure?
11:50pm
why wouldnt i be
:D
11:51pm
i dunno
just seemed like it
nevermind
11:51pm
when?
11:51pm
on the phone
and in the hall
11:51pm
lol i was a bit tired on the phone
think i might go for a walk
11:52pm
want company?
11:52pm
loud music fresh air always good
i probably wont be talking though :/
11:53pm
lol loud music?
11:53pm
yeah from my headphones
11:53pm
yea i gt that part
11:53pm
alright i lie i am a bit upset
but i dont want to talk about it
11:54pm
i wont ask u to talk about it- but can u at least give me a hint at whats up?
or i will worry
11:54pm
nothing for you to worry about
im just sad at nothing basically
ive not really got a reason apart from silly selfish reasons which surface occastionally that shouldnt
my own problems it aint anything major
so no worries ok?
11:55pm
i bet theyr not really selfish
u just think that wayt
11:56pm
nah they are
just need to cry it out or something
just down
dont like it angry face
11:57pm
please dont shut me out
ur not sad at nothing
theres something
11:57pm
I am not shutting you out
11:57pm
even if u dont think its an issue
11:57pm
I told you I was upset
thats more than I usually do
its not bad honest
11:59pm
ok and thats good
11:59pm
im just i dont know how to explain it
11:59pm
but i just wanna help
11:59pm
i know
and you ar4e
so
how are you
12:00am
haha wer not talking about me
dont chsnge the subject
nice try tho
12:01am
what else is there to say
I am ok noe
*now
:D
12:02am
really?
12:02am
mostly
:D
do you ever get sad for no reason?
12:02am
all the time
12:03am
it just that
letting people in works both ways remember
12:03am
ok i get that
what do u mean?
12:04am
you never tell me when your down
i want to help to and you shut me out all the time like i am not needed
sorry
uncalled for
sorry
12:04am
no its a fair point
there is more i could be open about
12:05am
lol we are both broken
12:05am
oh so fucked
thats y were cool
12:06am
like ice baby
ICE ICE BABY
12:06am
oh god
please dont do that again
12:06am
ahhhh
why not
:?
we be cool
12:07am
ok maybe a little then
12:08am
yaayyayaya
honestly though you dont need to worry
there is nothing i cant handle on my own
12:09am
ok
just you know that you dont need to
12:09am
uhuh
maybe
12:09am
y maybe?
12:10am
somethings i think are better left to yourself
such as self concious issues
:D
12:10am
if ur sure
just as long as they stay small issues
12:11am
what would you consider a big issue
12:11am
i dont know
anything
its just how much it bothers you i guess
12:11am
nah nothing bothers me that mcuh
12:12am
so only keep it to urself as long as you can handle it
12:12am
i will
12:12am
no matter how silly it seems
12:12am
ok
you too
12:13am
ok
there is something thats been getting to me
12:13am
whats that
12:13am
trying the whole sharing thing
this isnt something anyone knows about
and prob wont seem like a big thing to you
12:14am
ok
shoot
12:15am
at home my mum has a library of books about how to deal with autism
it was pretty devastating the 1st time i found it
before i was 16 i didnt really know exactly what was wrong with me
and of course cos autsim is so closely connected with self confidence- that kind of shattered me
its only coming here thats kind of let me have myself back- if that makes any sence
anyway thats just background
12:17am
ok
please continue
12:18am
i was flicking through comics and stuff on saturday and sort of came across a whole bookshelf or books with on how to deal with me
that i hadnt actually seen before
i thoguht id have a flick through and see kinda what they were about
(always a mistake)
opened up the front page
and the books didnt belong to my mum
that set- theyr all my grandmas
12:21am
you know you can come up and talk about it if you want (carry on though)
12:22am
me and her have always been really close- she makes no secret that im her favourite grandson
12:22am
although i find this better
12:23am
although i really suspect its actually my bro
yea i find it easier to type than talk
(she was a special needs teacher so used to be the only person who could actually get a converstaion out of me back when i was little)
12:24am
it shows she was trying
my nan forgot when i was 18
then sent a £!0
then my cousin turned 12 and brought her crap loads of stuff for WELL over a tenner
i would say bout £150 worth of stuff
she was like oh your 18 now are you
12:25am
man thats harsh
i think they tried to make a big thing of my 18th
but i didnt really let them
12:26am
butthey care
you should be happy they care
cause as far as i can tell they really care and want to make you happy
and to be accepted
im kind of jealous to be fiar
sorry kinda butted in there
12:28am
oh i know how lucky i am to have family that i feel so close to- my issues here are entirely selfish
anyway so at 1st i was a little sad that shed actually read these at all- shes one of VERY few people iv ever known that i felt an actual connection to
then it sort of hit me on another level
she might not have read these books for me
my grandad has the same condition i have- but he was never diagnosed
hes sort of my inspiration
hes had an extremely sucessful life
hes done all these amazing thing- been all over the world- has a great family
im SO often told all the things i cant do, its brilliant just to look at him and see i do have hope
12:32am
of course you do
12:32am
that i have got a shot of a normal future- becasue a lot of other things tell me differently
12:32am
nah you do
12:33am
but i hate the thought that he still struggles with it
it really upsets me when i see him have trouble with things
12:33am
yeah but he has done all those things in spite of it
that is good
just shows that he has never let it get to him
like you shouldnt let it get to you
is there more?
sorry keep butting in
12:34am
it does- he has had the most amazing life
thats sort of it yea- i found a book and it upset me
actually brought it back with me
12:35am
really
12:35am
been reading it
it might help me
its sort of an autobiography from a person with my condition
but i see myself in pretty much every page
12:36am
so long as it helps
12:36am
its quite hard to read without getting upset
but i figure realising my problems might help me work on them
12:37am
so long as it helps you
12:37am
bt so far im only on page 23 lol
12:37am
lol a few to go then
12:38am
so be fair its a crdeited text documenting the conditon- so if u have a disability module you could reference it
12:38am
oh well thats good
12:39am
i was just sort of looking at it and thought of how it is just basically one of the books ud use or ur course
so yea thats all i have to say on that for the moment lol
12:40am
:)
12:40am
sorry for the essay
12:40am
thanks for sharing
its ok
12:41am
once u start typing u kinda get into it lol
12:41am
yeah :)
12:42am
sooooo.. how the work coming? lol
12:42am
its not
im just calming myself
12:43am
with loud music? lol
12:43am
yeah
12:43am
what ya got on?
12:43am
linkin park
12:44am
i always find happy sort of songs cheer me up
(hence y there so many on my ipod)
heavier songs just keep me in the mood
i used to find linkin park brilliant for drawing to
12:45am
you can come up and do work if you like
i should be doing work
:/
or we could go walk but id have to get dressed( havent put a top on yet)
12:46am
lol y are u topless?
12:46am
to hot
12:46am
not like the days just started
lol most poeple just open thier window
12:46am
might go for a fag if you want to join
12:47am
sure i like the idea of a walk
just.. not to far
12:47am
meh
ok ill change and pee
12:48am
kk i need to find my ipod lol
put it down somewhere
12:50am
floor/bed
12:50am
back of bed lol
12:52am
see you at stairs in 3
12:52am
k say on here when ur just about to leave
